I no longer know which is louder between the sirens, the silence, and my thoughts.
The past month and a bit have been a mad whirlwind in all aspects of life and I got to admit that I may be feeling it at this particular moment. It may be due to the sounds of the sirens that are almost permanently netted in my head from the many trips that the police make around here, the over-thinking marathon I go through daily or the silence when neither of us has anything to talk about in this house – I don’t know, but I’m feeling it.
When the lock-down had just been rolled out, I came up with a routine and have been very good with following it through, well at least 80% of the time, which in return has helped to keep me sane and busy, most of the time. On some days I do wish I could dress up and go out, then I realize that I am just yearning for the past when we had many reasons to dress up and most often just brushed it off. That’s okay, I won’t beat myself up about not doing things while I still had a chance, because life was good then and will be good after this pandemic has passed too.
The trick is in surviving where we currently are and to adjust to what life is right now. We are stuck in our small apartments, but in the interim let’s just vibe with it – yeah!?
In our space it’s interesting to see the dirty laundry basket almost always empty and a heap of freshly folded laundry that has nowhere to go – because everything is washed every other day now. However – I do seem to rotate the three of my most comfortable sweatpants and pair them with a mixture of pajama tops and some of my favorite knits. On a good day, I dress up and ask for a few images around the apartment or just go to the kitchen then undress afterward- perhaps I am checking if things still fit me * Shrugs *.
Also, our kettle might break because I’m not quite sure yet what else is being used the most on here besides the kettle – Coffee, Tea and Warm water are on rotation this side as the temperatures start to drop. I embark very frequently on trips to the kitchen – sometimes I open the cupboard and take nothing out, so I will count that as exercise or just a mere bad habit. Whatever it is, I am constantly trying to do something as a means to steer away from depression and anxiety. I am very sure this will pass, and we all will live to tell the tale of this era.
When I start sinking into a negative space, I just remind myself that the WHOLE WORLD is going through this. I find something to keep my mind challenged at all times, I keep busy, discover myself, I make sure to take it easy and one day at a time.
I hope you are coping too.